If This Weren't That Way
by Morganperidot
Summary: Lucky returns to Port Charles and visits Elizabeth. Storyline dovetails with the show, aside from the kidnapping of Luke's sons storyline not being included here.
1. Chapter 1

**If This Weren't That Way**

By Morganperidot

1.

"Lucky!" Elizabeth said. She had opened the front the door to find him standing there – looking so amazingly good that for the moment all she could say was his name.

"Hey," Lucky said in his familiar soft tone.

"Hey," Elizabeth said, feeling somehow awkward and ridiculous around this man she had known and loved most of her life.

"Could I come in?" Lucky asked.

"Yes, of course," Elizabeth said, stepping aside to let him pass. "I'm just surprised to see you." She closed the door and turned to face him.

"I should have come back sooner," Lucky said.

Elizabeth forced herself not to say her first thought: I wish you had. "You look good," she said.

"I'm clean," Lucky said seriously, clearly referring to his past troubles with drugs and alcohol.

"I didn't mean…"

"It's OK if you did," Lucky said. "I'm always going to be an addict, whether or not I'm sober. But to put it out there, I've been sober since I left here."

"That's great," Elizabeth said. "I'm proud of you."

Lucky smiled. "Thanks," he said.

At that moment Jake Doe came down the stairs, and Elizabeth's awkwardness returned. He stopped at the bottom step with his gaze on Lucky. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," Lucky said.

"Jake this is Lucky Spencer. He's…"

"Aiden's father," Jake said. He held out his hand, and Lucky grasped it. "Nice to meet you," Jake said.

"Likewise," Lucky said. "Your name is Jake?"

"Yes…sort of," Jake said. "It's a long story."

"I've had a few of those," Lucky said. "Good to meet you."

Jake looked at Elizabeth. "I can pick up some food for dinner," he said. "I'll see you later."

"OK," Elizabeth said, and she watched as he walked to the door and left the house. When she looked back at Lucky he was looking at her, and she couldn't decipher what that look meant.

"You two are…"

"Yes," Elizabeth said. "I'm sorry…"

"Why?" Lucky said. "We've been apart a long time. I didn't expect you to be waiting for me to come back some day."

"I think I sort of did expect that for a while," Elizabeth said. "I used to think about you a lot."

"I thought about you, too," Lucky said, "and the boys. But it was always too hard for me to come back here. I should have, but I couldn't."

"It's OK…"

"It's not," Lucky said. "I should have been stronger, for the boys."

Elizabeth could feel the honesty of his pain. She walked closer to him, and then drew him into a tight embrace. After a moment he put his arms around her as well. "You had a lot to deal with," she said.

Lucky was silent for a moment, and then he whispered, "Thank you for not hating me."

Elizabeth pulled away and looked at him; she saw the moistness pooling in his eyes. "Lucky, I could never hate you," she said.

He wiped the tears that were threatening to spill. "Thank you," he said again.

Elizabeth gave him a moment to pull himself together, and then she said, "Do you want to see the boys?"

"Yeah," Lucky said. "I really do."

Later they were sitting talking at the table with a couple glasses of iced tea. "So, Jake," Lucky said. "Strange coincidence."

Elizabeth just looked at Lucky for a moment, trying to figure out if he knew something about Jason. How could he? Unless – would Nikolas tell him? She knew that was crazy. There was no reason for Nikolas to do that. "Yeah," she said. "He was in a car accident and brought into General Hospital. He didn't remember anything about who he was but…"

"He had amnesia?" Lucky said.

"Yeah…he still does," Elizabeth said. "He doesn't really remember anything about who he was before he came to Port Charles. He just remembered the name Jake, so he's been using that name."

"So you don't know who this guy really is?" Lucky said. "How do you know he isn't dangerous?"

"He's not," Elizabeth said. "I know he would never harm the kids."

"He…"

"Lucky, I'm sure," Elizabeth said with certainty.

Lucky was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Why?"

"Why what?" Elizabeth said.

"Why are you so sure?" Lucky said.

Elizabeth remembered when Lucky was cop; he was both intuitive and persistent, and she could see that in him now. "I know him," she said. "I know how he is and what he wouldn't do."

"Sometimes you can know someone a lifetime, and they still do things that surprise you," Lucky said.

"Lucky…"

"What I'm saying is, how can you be so sure this guy you just met isn't going to bring trouble to the boys?" Lucky said. "How do you know there aren't things about him that he's been hiding from you?"

Because I'm the one hiding things from him, Elizabeth thought. And when she looked into Lucky's eyes, it almost seemed like he knew what she was thinking. And then he said, "Do you know who this guy is?"

"How…" Elizabeth started to say, but then Jake walked in with a bag of groceries. Lucky had been leaning toward her, and he shifted back in his chair and looked at Jake.

"Should I come back later?" Jake asked.

"No, I should be going," Lucky said. He stood up.

"Do you have dinner plans?" Jake asked. "Because I make some of the best burgers in the world. Doesn't matter where you've been, these are going to knock you out." He looked at Elizabeth. "Right?" he asked.

"Right," Elizabeth said. She looked at Lucky. "Stay for dinner," she said.

Lucky sat down again. "OK," he said. "You talked me into it."

So they had dinner together.

"Elizabeth told me about your accident," Lucky said. "That's really terrible, man."

"Yeah," Jake said. "But she was my angel of mercy in the hospital."

"Yeah," Lucky said. "She's a great nurse."

"And more," Jake said, smiling at Elizabeth.

"Yeah, a lot more," Lucky said. Elizabeth looked at him, and he met her gaze.

"Are you staying in town?" Elizabeth asked.

Lucky didn't respond for a moment. Then he said, "I got a room at the Metro Court."

"So you're sticking around a while?" Elizabeth said.

"Yes," Lucky said. He looked at Jake. "These burgers really are great," he said.

"Thanks," Jake said. "So are you still a cop or…"

"No, that turned out to not be the greatest fit for me," Lucky said. He looked at Elizabeth. "I started playing guitar again," he said.

Elizabeth was surprised. "You did?" she said.

"Yeah," Lucky said. He looked back at Jake. "I used to play a long time ago when Liz and I were kids," he said. Elizabeth didn't miss his use of the name Liz, and she didn't think Jake did either. "At one point she gave me a guitar," Lucky said. He looked at Elizabeth. "Do you remember that?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Elizabeth said. And she remembered how she had felt about him, too.

"So, Jake," Lucky said. "Have you gotten any leads on your background?"

"Not really," Jake said. "There was a woman who showed up claiming to be my wife, but that turned out not to be true."

"Strange," Lucky said. "It would seem like someone would be looking for you."

"Guess I was a loner," Jake said.

"Must have been," Lucky said. "You know I have some connections…"

"Are there any more burgers?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah, a couple," Jake said. He got up and went to get them.

Elizabeth looked at Lucky and silently mouthed "Stop" to him. Lucky glanced at Jake and then back at her, but he didn't respond to her command or seem surprised by it. "So, I've been playing in a band," he said instead. "Actually, it's a trio, me and a guy and a girl."

"Really?" Elizabeth said.

"Yeah," Lucky said. "We've been touring. It's actually been pretty fun."

"That sounds great," Jake said, setting down a plate with the remaining burgers. "Is that why you're in town?"

"Yeah, we had a gig nearby," Lucky said, "and a few days off. I figured it was a good time to mend some fences."

"You're always welcome here," Elizabeth said.

"Thank you," Lucky said. He set his napkin on the table and stood up. "Thanks for the great dinner, Jake. I should get going."

"I'll walk you to the door," Elizabeth said. She went with him to the door and then opened it and went outside with him, closing it behind her. "Whatever you think…"

"What I think doesn't matter," Lucky said. "If there is something important you aren't telling this guy, you should tell him. Because it will come out, and it will be worse when it does."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I can't," she said.

"Just my advice," Lucky said. "Good night, Liz." He turned to leave but Elizabeth put her hand on his arm, and he turned back.

"Are you really playing guitar?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," Lucky said.

"Do you have a guitar with you – at the hotel?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah, why?" Lucky asked.

"I would just…"

"Yes," Lucky said. He moved closer to her and gently kissed her cheek. Elizabeth closed her eyes; his nearness made her whole body tingle. "Good night," he said quietly.

"Good night," Elizabeth said as she watched him walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

If This Weren't That Way: Part 2

By Morganperidot

1.

Elizabeth spent most of the night awake, lying beside Jake and thinking about Lucky. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but every time she did, she saw Lucky's face in her mind's eye.

Of course she had seen him plenty of times during the weekly Skype calls with the boys, and that had become so normal that she had accepted the fact that Lucky Spencer was nothing more than a part of the boys' lives and her past.

But seeing him in real life had been very different from seeing him on a screen. It had felt like all the years melted away, and he was both that sweet boy who had been there when she had desperately needed someone and that beautiful, damaged man she had loved her entire life. The connection she felt with him had been alive, vibrant, and strong. And he had connected with her, enough to read her quite easily, knowing what she was hiding about Jake after only a few minutes of talking with her.

And that kiss before he left…it had been nothing more than his soft lips on her cheek, quite innocent, but what she had felt toward him in the wake of that brief contact had surprised her. There was no doubt in her mind that in that moment she had wanted more.

Elizabeth sighed in the darkness. She told herself that whatever she had felt for Lucky was irrelevant; she was with Jake, and that was what she wanted. She looked at Jake and smiled, feeling the warmth of her love for him. She knew she loved Lucky too, but that didn't really matter. Her family portrait was with the boys and Jake; that was the future on which she had built her hopes.

And yet…the image of Lucky with a guitar was something she couldn't so easily dismiss. He had shown interest in music when he was young, but that had been a long, long time ago. Still, she could remember watching him play and thinking what a natural he was. She wanted to see him play again, just once, for old times' sake. She wanted to see if that return to music had given Lucky some peace in his life. Elizabeth told herself that if she saw that it would be enough, and she would be able to let any lingering romantic feelings she might still have for him go for good.

2.

Later that morning at the hospital Elizabeth got a call from Nikolas on her cell phone. She slipped into a supply closet to take the call, afraid that Nikolas had something to tell her about Jason.

Instead he asked her a blunt question: "Did you tell Lucky about Jason?" Nikolas said.

"What?" Elizabeth replied in shock, "of course not."

"He was just here asking a lot of questions about you and Jake," Nikolas said. "It was like he knew something, and he knew I knew something."

"He came to the house last night," Elizabeth said. "I told him about Jake's amnesia, and he was concerned about Jake being around the boys. That's all it is. I didn't tell him anything else, and he doesn't know anything about Jason or about you."

"He said Jake reminded him of someone, but he couldn't figure out who it was," Nikolas said. "He acted like he knows something."

"He doesn't know," Elizabeth said. "He's just worried about the boys. He was upset about not being around for them, and now he thinks he has to protect them."

Nikolas was silent for a moment. "You may want to make sure that's all it is," he said finally. "Because if you want to keep Jason a secret, letting Lucky know about it would be a big mistake." He hung up, and Elizabeth shoved the phone in a pocket of her sweater. She opened the door of the supply room and walked straight into Jake who was crossing in the hallway.

"Hey, I was looking for you, and they said you might be over here," he said, looking fine in a light blue shirt and jeans. "Is something wrong?" he asked after a moment.

"No," Elizabeth said. "I just didn't find what I was looking for."

"Is it something you need for a patient?" Jake asked. "I can help you look for it."

"No, it's all right," Elizabeth said. "We probably just need to order more. Why are you here? Are you and the boys OK?"

"Yeah, everyone's fine," Jake said. "I was just thinking you might like to go out to lunch."

Elizabeth thought about it for a minute; she had a lot of paperwork to get to, but she knew if she did that her thoughts would drift to Nikolas's call… and to Lucky. She looked at Jake and smiled. "Yes," she said. "Yes, I would like that very much."

They went to a nearby diner, where they ordered soup and sandwiches and talked about various superficial topics. Elizabeth found herself wondering why Lucky would go to Nikolas and ask him about Jake; was it just a coincidence because Nikolas was his brother? There was just no way Lucky could know what was going on or who was involved – was there? No, that was impossible, she told herself.

"Are you sure there isn't something bothering you?" Jake asked.

Elizabeth realized that she had spaced out on their conversation. She knew she had to talk to Lucky as soon as possible to get him off her mind. "No, I was just thinking about one of the patients," she said. "I may need to be at work a little later than usual." She couldn't see any reason to tell Jake about needing to see Lucky.

"No worries," Jake said. "Just give me a buzz when you're free."

3.

Back at the hospital, Elizabeth called Lucky's number. "Hey," he said.

"Hey, are you at Metro Court?" Elizabeth asked. "I wanted to stop by and see your fancy professional guitar."

"Yeah, I'll be around. Just send me a text when you're ready to come by," Lucky said. "Room 723."

By the time Elizabeth arrived at the door to 723 a few hours later, she had decided that she was going to be as straight with Lucky as she could be. She wouldn't be able to tell him the complete truth, of course, but she was tired of spreading lies around. Lucky wasn't involved in this mess, and she didn't want to play him for a fool. He opened the door shortly after she knocked, and for a moment Elizabeth just stood there looking at him and his handsomeness and the soft earth tones of his clothes. "Is something up?" Lucky asked.

"We need to talk," Elizabeth said as she walked into the room. She noticed that the room was in a kind of comfortable disarray; clothes were lying on chairs and books were on tables along with other personal items. An acoustic guitar rested against a wall next to the bed.

Lucky closed the door. "Why do I feel like I'm about to get the bright-light treatment?" he asked.

Because you're too damn smart, Elizabeth thought. "Nikolas told me you were asking him about Jake," she said.

"He called you?" Lucky asked.

"Yes," Elizabeth said. "He wanted to know what you were up to."

Lucky raised an eyebrow. "Do I have to be up to something to visit my brother?" he asked.

Elizabeth sat down on the bed. "Why were you asking Nikolas about me and Jake?" she asked.

"Because he lives here, and he might know something," Lucky said.

"My relationship doesn't concern you," Elizabeth said.

"If it concerns the boys, it concerns me," Lucky said.

"I told you…"

"That I should just take your word for it that the boys are safe around this guy," Lucky said. He was silent for a moment, and then he asked, "Does Nikolas know who this guy is?"

Elizabeth thought about whether it was worth it to lie. "He knows that Jake wouldn't harm the boys," she said.

"Which means you told him," Lucky said. Elizabeth looked at Lucky and wondered if he still felt some resentment about the relationship she had with Nikolas when they were still together.

"It wasn't like that," Elizabeth said.

"Like what?" Lucky said. He stood leaning against the bureau in the front of the room.

"Like anything," Elizabeth said. "It wasn't anything."

"You and Nikolas…"

"No," Elizabeth said. "There is no me and Nikolas. I thought maybe there might be at one time after you left, but then he was with someone else. There's nothing there. Jake is the only one I care about now."

"Right," Lucky said. "And yet you're hiding something major from him. But then you do tend to do that with people you care about, right?"

"That's a little harsh," Elizabeth said.

"Maybe," Lucky said. "But we had a lot of lies between us over the years, including some pretty big ones."

"Are you still angry with me?" Elizabeth asked. "About Nikolas?"

"I think about us sometimes," Lucky said. "I've thought so many times that you and I were meant to be together but it just never really worked." He shook his head. "I'm not angry," he said. "I don't want to hold any grudges about that old stuff. We both made mistakes."

"Yeah," Elizabeth said. She looked over at the guitar. "So can you really play that thing?" she asked.

"I do OK," Lucky said.

"Would you play something for me?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," Lucky said. He walked over and picked up the guitar. "I've only been doing this seriously for about a year so..."

"Just play," Elizabeth said.

Lucky sat down on a chair with the guitar, and Elizabeth saw in him that boy from all those years ago with the guitar she gave him. I still love you, she thought easily, and he looked at her then as though he had heard her. "I wrote this one a while back," he said softly, and he started to strum and work the instrument with his fingers. She remembered those fingers on her skin, his soft touch, and she closed her eyes, trying to shut that image out, but then his voice came in, exquisitely soft and sensual, weaving a story about love and loss, heartbreak and redemption. Elizabeth opened her eyes and realized there were tears in them. His own eyes were closed as he sang and moved his hands fluidly on the guitar. This one, she thought, I had this one's love, and I threw it away.

Lucky finished the song and opened his eyes. "It's beautiful," she said. "You're good."

He smiled then, a real smile that released some of the tightness Elizabeth felt in her chest. "Thanks," he said. He set the guitar on the floor. "Are you OK?" he asked.

"Yeah," Elizabeth said, "of course." She wiped away the remaining wetness around her eyes. "Just a little emotional, I guess," she said.

"You know, if you want to talk about this thing with Jake, we can talk about it," Lucky said.

Elizabeth smiled. "I know," she said. "I just…I need to figure it out on my own."

"OK," Lucky said. He leaned back against the chair. "But I know who he is," he said.

"What?" Elizabeth said. "No, you don't."

Lucky laughed. "OK," he said.

"How could you know?" Elizabeth asked. She wondered if Nikolas had let it slip somehow, but she didn't think so. Nikolas knew how to keep secrets.

Lucky looked at the ceiling and then back at her. "There have been people in our lives, people who have touched us, people we've wanted to hold on to but couldn't because there was never that moment when all the pieces fit," he said. "You think the pieces fit now with Jake, right? I mean not necessarily the right way, but they are there now locking together. There's no one in the way like there has always been in the past."

Elizabeth parted her lips for a moment, hesitated, and then said, "You're fishing."

Lucky was briefly silent, and then he sighed. "Nikolas is a dangerous ally, especially now," he said. "He's not grounded anymore. You need to be careful with him."

"You don't know," Elizabeth said. "If you do, say his name."

"So you can deny it?" Lucky said.

"I don't believe you," Elizabeth said. "If you don't say it, I won't believe you."

"I'm OK with that," Lucky said. He stood up. "You should get back to him. I can tell you one thing for certain – it won't last, and you should enjoy the time you have."

"You…"

"No," Lucky said. "Not me. But that's how life is; it just keeps unwinding. Things come out. This will come out. I'm saying be careful. Protect yourself for when it happens."

Elizabeth stood up. "Thank you for warning me when I blindsided you so many times," she said.

"The past is over," Lucky said. "That hurt is gone."

"I don't believe that either," Elizabeth said.

"I will always love you, Liz," Lucky said.

Elizabeth felt the truth of it in her blood. "What am I doing?" she asked. "Why would I keep his life from him?"

"You want to be happy, and you deserve that," Lucky said. "He cares about you. That isn't hurting him."

"Not like it hurts you," she said.

"I'm…"

And that was when her phone rang. Elizabeth went to where she had left her purse on the bed and took out the phone. "It's Jake," she said. As she answered it she looked at Lucky, who was looking back at her with an indecipherable gaze. Did he really know? she wondered. "Hey," she said into the phone.

"Hey," Jake said. "I was thinking of getting Chinese, and I was wondering if you had a probable ETA."

"I'm leaving now," Elizabeth said.

"Great," Jake said. "Is moo shi OK?"

"Perfect, thanks," Elizabeth said. "See you soon." She ended the call and dropped the phone back into her purse. "When are you leaving town?" she asked Lucky.

He laughed. "Trying to get rid of me?" Lucky asked.

"Not at all," Elizabeth said, "just asking."

"The band is between tours, so I'm open right now," Lucky said. "I was thinking I might pick up some solo gigs in the area, if I can."

"Look at you being all musicianlike," Elizabeth said.

Lucky smiled. "Being a cop seems like a lifetime ago," he said.

"I'm glad you aren't doing that anymore," Elizabeth said. "It always worried me."

"Yeah, I don't know if that was rebelling against my dad's past or what," Lucky said, "but it was always weird in a bad way."

"Does this make you happy – the music?" Elizabeth said.

"Happier," Lucky said. "Are you happy with Jake?"

Elizabeth thought about the question and decided to answer it honestly. "Sometimes," she said.

"I meant it when I said you deserve to be happy," Lucky said.

Elizabeth started walking to the door, and Lucky went with her. At the door she stopped and turned to face him. "And what about when you said you will always love me?" she asked.

"Yeah, I meant that too," Lucky said. They stood there together, too close, and then Elizabeth moved closer, and they kissed, softly and slowly, naturally.

Lucky broke off the kiss and brought his lips to her ear. "You have to go, remember?" he said.

"Yeah, I remember," Elizabeth said, pressing herself away from him. "Chinese food," she said.

"Sounds nice," Lucky said. "Look at you being all familylike with the new guy."

Elizabeth smiled. "Thanks for the song," she said.

"Thanks for listening," Lucky said. He opened the door, and Elizabeth stepped away from him into the hall. She turned to walk away. "Liz," Lucky said. She turned back. "Say hi to Jason for me, OK?" he said, and then he closed the door.


	3. Chapter 3

If This Weren't That Way: Part 3

By Morganperidot

1.

In his dream, Lucky stood on one of the lush green cliffs of Ireland looking out at the Atlantic Ocean. There was a cool breeze that ruffled his hair, and peace settled inside of him. He knew he was dreaming, as he often did in his dreams, but that didn't bother him.

"Well, well, now, if it isn't Lucky Spencer."

Lucky smiled at the sound of her Irish brogue and turned to look at his late wife Siobhan. With her long red hair flowing in the breeze, she was still as beautiful as when she was alive. "It's good to see you," Lucky said.

"I'm glad you still think of me," Siobhan said.

"There will always be a place in my heart for you," Lucky said.

Siobhan smiled. "Aye, but we both know whom the majority of that heart belongs to," she said.

Lucky looked back at the ocean. "Elizabeth has someone else," he said.

"Elizabeth is with another woman's man," Siobhan said.

Lucky looked back at her. "He doesn't know about Jason's relationship with Sam," he said. "He may never remember, like he never remembered being Jason Quartermaine."

"And what if you were in his shoes, Lucky Spencer?" Siobhan said. "What if you didn't remember your loved ones or your children, and those that knew kept that knowledge from you?"

"She's not trying to hurt anyone…"

"But she is hurting people," Siobhan said. "Tis a terrible, dark thing she does. You know what it is to be separated from those you love. This is not something that can be dismissed."

Lucky was silent for a moment, and then he said, "I know."

"Yes, you do," Siobhan said.

"This is my fault," Lucky said. "I should have stayed."

"That's blarney, and you know it," Siobhan said.

Lucky smiled, but he was soon serious again. "She needed me, and I still loved her…"

"And you couldn't be the man she needed then," Siobhan said.

"I should have been," Lucky said.

"Elizabeth has made her own choices, as you made yours," Siobhan said. "You are not responsible for what she chose." Lucky sighed. He knew it was true, but if he could take this burden from Elizabeth and put it on his own shoulders he would, even if it meant stepping back into the shadows he had finally stepped out of. "You're not the one to make the sacrifice this time," Siobhan said.

"I would," Lucky said.

"Yes, you would," Siobhan said. "And you have, far too often."

"I wish I could have saved you," Lucky said.

"You know you could not," Siobhan said, "as you know you cannot protect Elizabeth from the fallout from her lies."

"But I can stay this time," Lucky said. "I can stop running. I can come home."

"Aye, that you can do," Siobhan said. She was silent for a moment, and then she said, "Be good to yourself, Lucky Spencer."

"That's so hard to do," Lucky said. "The pain is so easy."

"But you can see the other side of it now, and that is the blessing of survival," Siobhan said. "You can see your way out, and you can believe that you deserve it."

"I want to," Lucky said.

"Then do it," Siobhan said.

Lucky smiled again. "Just like that," he said.

"Aye, just like that," Siobhan replied. She closed the space between them and drew him into an embrace. "It's time now," she said. "All of that good in you is needed; let it free."

"Good-bye, Siobhan," Lucky said.

"Until we meet again," Siobhan said, and with that, Lucky awoke in his room in at the Metro Court.

He got out of bed and got his guitar, then sat on the edge of the bed and quietly picked through one of the old Irish folk songs he had learned. He closed his eyes and thought about Siobhan and then Elizabeth. Although the darkness was never out of reach – as close as the nearest bottle – he knew his heart was open again, and that was more important.

2.

Lucky could see that Nikolas was not happy to see him back at Wyndemere. "Two visits in as many days," Nikolas said. "Can I get you something? Water? Tea?"

"How about the truth?" Lucky said.

"You think I didn't give you that yesterday?" Nikolas said.

"I think this is all a big game to you," Lucky said. "Manipulating people's lives has always appealed to you, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Nikolas said. He poured a glass of clear liquid and held it out. Lucky took the glass but then raised it to his nose and sniffed it. Nikolas laughed humorously. "You think I would give you alcohol?" he asked.

"I think you would do just about anything," Lucky said, "as long as you got something out of it." He set the glass down on a table. He didn't think there was alcohol in it, but he also didn't trust Nikolas.

"This is still about Elizabeth and me, isn't it?" Nikolas said. "I thought we were past that."

"We are," Lucky said. "But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You knew how much I loved Elizabeth, and you just did what you wanted regardless. And this is just the same, isn't it? You don't care about your cousin's feelings any more than you cared about mine."

"My cousin," Nikolas said. "Sam? What about her?"

Lucky was silent for a moment. He leaned against the end of the sofa and looked around at the dark luxury of his brother's home. So much money, Lucky thought, so much privilege, and yet still so much greed. "Jason," he said finally.

"Elizabeth told you," Nikolas said. He shook his head.

"She told me you know, but she didn't tell you," Lucky said.

"I told her," Nikolas said. Lucky looked at him but said nothing. "My grandmother told me," he said. "Elizabeth was with him, and I thought she should know who he was. After all, she's always wanted to be with Jason."

Lucky looked away again and rolled his eyes. Part of him was way too tired of this BS with him, Nikolas, Jason, and Elizabeth. That part of him wanted to walk away from Port Charles and never come back, go back to those green cliffs of Ireland and just forget any of it ever happened. That part of him wished he didn't still love Elizabeth the way he always had, deeply and truly, completely. And he might have been able to listen to that part of himself if he hadn't seen the feelings in her eyes and felt the desire in the kiss they shared in his room and if he didn't know in his bones that she still loved him. "You thought Elizabeth should know who he was, but not Sam?" Lucky said.

"Jason is Sam's past," Nikolas said. "He's Elizabeth's present and future."

Lucky just stared at Nikolas in disbelief for a moment. "Really?" he said finally.

"You haven't been around," Nikolas said. "Things have changed."

Lucky laughed. "That's one hell of an explanation," he said.

"Elizabeth and Jake are happy together," Nikolas said. "Leave it alone."

"Right," Lucky said. "And the two of you just assume because Jason Morgan never remembered his past that Jake won't, that no time in the rest of his life will he remember who he was?"

"It seems unlikely," Nikolas said, but Lucky saw something in his brother's nonverbal behavior that belied that response.

"What's really going on here?" Lucky asked.

Nikolas smiled. "I think you need to tone down the conspiracy thinking a bit," he said.

"Right," Lucky said. "I'm sure there's no conspiracy other than the one that has already been admitted to." He sighed. "Let me ask you: Is this still about you and Elizabeth?" he said. "Do you want to be with her again?"

"I know where Elizabeth's heart lies," Nikolas said. "I don't have any illusions about that changing, and you shouldn't either."

"Brotherly advice?" Lucky asked.

"You could say that," Nikolas said. "She has staked a lot on this relationship with Jason."

"And if he does remember, you'll be there to comfort her when he goes back to Sam," Lucky said.

"He won't," Nikolas said. He sat down in a chair. "He and Elizabeth belong together now. There's no room for anyone else in that equation."

"In other words, I should just mind my own business and get out of town," Lucky said.

"Those are your words," Nikolas said. "It's obvious that you still have feelings for Elizabeth. You need to make sure that you don't hurt her out of your own selfishness."

"Yeah, that's priceless," Lucky said. "It certainly takes a selfish man to know a selfish man." He walked past Nikolas to the door. "Thanks for the chat, brother," he said.

3.

Lucky sent Elizabeth a text: Can I come by to see the boys?

Her response came more quickly than he expected: Promise you won't say anything to Jake.

I won't.

No innuendo.

I promise.

OK.

Thanks.

Lucky got there late in the afternoon, and spent a good amount of time with Aiden and Cameron. He let himself be present in the moment, which was something that had taken him a long time to relearn after all the years of self-torment. His problem had always been that he thought too much, and those thoughts ate at his peace of mind. On the tour, his bandmates had talked to him about shutting that out – mostly because it was causing problems for them. Of course their early suggestions had included alcohol and drugs, and Lucky had been tempted. The idea of quieting his thoughts was sometimes so appealing that he seriously considered using again. But strangely enough, it had been the music that had helped him keep clean; he found too much pleasure in it to lose that in getting high. So he found other roads to peace, like meditation, visualization, yoga, tai chi, and anything else that wasn't chemical. Being with his kids was probably the best method of all of them, and it was certainly the most enjoyable.

Lucky felt a presence in the doorway and looked up to see "Jake Doe" standing there. "Do you have a minute?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," Lucky said. He followed Jake to the bedroom. "What's up?" he asked.

"I just wanted to say that I'm not going to try to swoop in and pretend to be the father of those boys," Jake said. "They'll always know who their father is." Lucky looked away. He thought about Danny, who didn't know his father was alive. "I know you're probably thinking I'm jumping the gun even talking like that," Jake continued. "But Elizabeth and I have a good thing going, and I could see it becoming something permanent."

"You've talked about a future together?" Lucky said.

"Not straight out," Jake said, "but I think she wants that."

Lucky thought about that kiss in his hotel room. "I think that making too many plans too quickly can be a mistake," he said.

"We have to make some plans though, right?" Jake said.

"I don't know anymore," Lucky said. He had seen so many of his own plans shatter into tiny, painful fragments. "I'm just saying enjoy what you have," he said. He walked out of the bedroom and saw Elizabeth standing in the hallway.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yeah," Lucky said. He went with her downstairs and into the kitchen. "Look, he wanted to talk to me," he said, "and I didn't say…"

"Why did you go to Wyndemere again?" Elizabeth said, keeping her voice low.

"Really?" Lucky said. "What is this kindergarten? Nikolas has to tattle on me every time I talk to him?"

"Why would you need to talk to him about this again?" Elizabeth asked. "Isn't it enough that you knowing about it makes me crazy? Why did you have to throw it in Nikolas's face too?"

"You want to know why?" Lucky said softly but very clearly. "Because I resent him, and I resent this situation. I resent his family playing God with people's lives: who's together, who's alive, who knows what. It's just more Cassadine power games. You think he's your friend for letting you know this? You think he cares about what you want? You're just another rat in a cage to experiment on so he can see how much…"

Elizabeth slapped his face, and for a moment they just stared at each other in the wake of the blow. "You need to leave town," she said.

"No," Lucky replied.

"You should," Elizabeth said.

"No," Lucky said. "But you know you have a weapon that you can use on me if you really want me to go – and if you've learned anything from your partnership with Nikolas."

"He's not my partner, and I don't want to hurt you," Elizabeth said. Lucky was silent. "Do you really think I would use our boys against you?" she asked.

"I think this is a dangerous game you're playing with Nikolas and Jake," Lucky said. "Sometimes those kinds of games lead to collateral damage."

"Which is why you should go," Elizabeth said.

Lucky looked into her eyes. "Are you sure that's why?" he asked. "Or is it that you want to make things less complicated for you by having me out of the picture?"

"You…" Lucky slid his arms around her and drew her close to him; she didn't resist the embrace. "Why did you have to come back now?" Elizabeth whispered.

"Because I love you," Lucky said. He kissed her, a firm, hot kiss that was received openly.

There was the sound of footsteps on the tile floor. Elizabeth stepped back from Lucky and turned to face Jake. "I thought I would check and see if everything was all right in here," Jake said. "But I can see that I'm not needed."

"This isn't what it looks like," Elizabeth said. "We were having an argument…"

"Interesting way of doing that," Jake said. "I think I'm going to head out."

"Jake, Lucky and I have been over for a long time…"

"What I saw just now wasn't two people who are over," Jake said. "Figure it out. We can talk in the morning." He walked out of the kitchen, and Lucky just watched as Elizabeth headed after him.


	4. Chapter 4

If This Weren't That Way: Part 4

by Morganperidot

1.

Elizabeth tried to get Jake to wait and let her explain what he had seen between her and Lucky in the kitchen – that kiss she hadn't been resisting – but Jake just told her he would see her tomorrow. When she returned to the kitchen, Elizabeth was fuming. She found Lucky looking in the refrigerator. "What is wrong with you?" she asked.

When Lucky closed the refrigerator door, there was a bottle of soda hanging from his right hand. "I'm pretty sure you're familiar with that list," he said. He twisted the cap off the bottle and downed a few swallows as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

Elizabeth stormed over toward him. "Is this all some big joke to you?" she asked. "I have a relationship with Jake. You can't just kiss me whenever you want. You can't come back here, play with my emotions, and say you love me. You can't just mess everything up and then run away again."

"Do you want me to stay?" Lucky asked. Elizabeth thought for a moment that he was joking, but when that moment passed she could see that he was serious. She looked at how the chocolate brown t-shirt and blue jeans he wore accented his tight, fit body beneath them. The darkness that had hung over him in the past had lifted, and his handsomeness shone with a new freshness.

"You shouldn't be here," Elizabeth said.

"Because of Jason," Lucky said.

"That isn't who he is," Elizabeth said.

"It isn't?" Lucky said.

"He's Jake now," Elizabeth said. "He's happy with that."

"Have you really convinced yourself of that?" Lucky asked.

"It's the truth," Elizabeth said.

Lucky drank some more soda, and then set the bottle down on the counter. "Let's play this game," he said. "Let's say I was in an accident and lost my memory…"

"No," Elizabeth said.

"What?" Lucky asked. "Why not?"

"It's not comparable," Elizabeth said.

"Really," Lucky asked. "Why?"

"Because everyone thinks Jason's dead, and they have for a while," Elizabeth said. "Technically, he is dead. He's gone. Jake is a different person." Lucky didn't say anything, but Elizabeth could feel the weight of his thoughts. "Is there anything I could say that would help you understand this?" she asked finally.

"I understand it," Lucky said quietly. He walked over to her. "I understand that you've been lonely," he said. "I've been lonely, too."

"This isn't about that," Elizabeth said, but she knew that wasn't entirely true. Lucky moved close to her and put his arms around her, and she slid easily into his warm embrace. He held her against him for a long moment in silence.

"I've missed you so much," Lucky said finally. "Everywhere I went, every audience I saw, I felt like I was always looking for your face somewhere in the crowd. I've loved you my whole life, Liz, since I knew what love was, what it really felt like."

"I've missed you, too," Elizabeth said, and she realized how true that was. Somehow the connection she had with him had always been the truest and deepest, and something about the bare honesty of that bond had scared her enough over the years that she had run from it to other men – Jason, Nikolas, Ric – trying to hide from it in their beds. But none of those men had ever been like Lucky. No man was like Luke Spencer, and no one was like his namesake first-born son. That was undeniable.

Still holding her, Lucky said, "This thing with Jason…"

"I know it's a mistake," Elizabeth said. She sighed. "I've always known. It just seemed like something that fell into my lap, and I thought, why not? He's here without the ties of memories, and he wants to be with me. Why not just do it?" Lucky moved back enough to look in her eyes. "Do you think I don't know the answers?" she said. "I've lived with them nagging at me since I started this. I've never really been at peace with it; I've always been afraid that something would happen, and I would lose him again, and forever this time." Lucky kissed her cheek, and she closed her eyes. It felt like a dream being there with him. "I knew you weren't going to come back," she said, "not for real, not for good." He lifted her chin and brought his lips to hers, so softly, and her heart fluttered. "Lucky," she whispered.

"I'm right here," Lucky said.

"Will you stay?" Elizabeth asked.

"Will you let me?" Lucky replied.

"I want to," Elizabeth said.

"I know," Lucky said.

Elizabeth smiled. "You're so much the same but so different too," she said. "You're stronger."

"I'm trying to be," Lucky said. "I still have a lot of battles, every day…"

"But you're winning them," Elizabeth said. "And that is so much better than not fighting."

Lucky smiled. "Yeah," he said. "It is."

"Daddy?" Elizabeth turned and saw Aiden in the doorway to the kitchen.

Lucky walked over and kneeled down in front of him. "Hey buddy," he said. "Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Are you going to sleep here?" Aiden asked.

"I told you about the hotel, remember?" Lucky said gently.

"But Jake left, so you have to stay," Aiden said.

Elizabeth swallowed. "Aiden, honey, you know that Daddy…"

"You can sleep in my room," Aiden said.

"Yeah?" Lucky said.

"Yeah," Aiden said, sounding so much like his father that it made Elizabeth ache.

Lucky turned and looked at Elizabeth. "Would that be OK?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Elizabeth said.

"OK, then," Lucky said, swinging his son up into his arms. "Let's do it." He looked at Elizabeth. "Goodnight, Mommy," he said.

"Goodnight, Daddy," Elizabeth replied.

2.

Elizabeth woke to the sound of the bedroom door opening and closing. Lucky moved through the room quietly. "Hey," she said when he got to the bed.

"Hey," Lucky said. He sat on the other side of the bed. "I didn't want to wake you," he said. "It's just that sleeping on the floor in the kids' room was giving me a sore back. I was wondering if I could rest here for an hour or so."

"Here with me," Elizabeth said.

"Yeah," Lucky said. "Would that be OK?"

"Yes," Elizabeth said. "But you might as well take off your clothes and be comfortable."

Lucky laughed. "Yeah?" he said.

"Yeah," Elizabeth replied.

Lucky undressed to his shorts and slid under the covers. He sighed. "Much better," he said.

"Are you going to stay in Port Charles?" Elizabeth asked.

Lucky turned his head to look at her. "Yeah, for a little while," he said. "I think it would be good to be around the kids."

"Our kids," Elizabeth said.

"Yeah," Lucky said. "Our kids."

All the walls were down between them, and Elizabeth knew she could ask him anything. "Would you want us to be a family again?" she asked.

"I never stopped wanting that," Lucky said. "It just seemed liked there was never really a way back to it. There were always so many obstacles."

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm tired of blaming you or Nikolas or myself," Lucky said.

"But you do still blame Nikolas," Elizabeth said.

"It's kind of like he and I got past it, but the wound never really healed right," Lucky said. "I don't feel like I can trust him anymore."

Elizabeth was silent for a moment. "What about me?" she asked finally.

Lucky turned his face toward the ceiling. "That's a different kind of wound," he said. "I've never been able to stop loving you, not even when I wanted to, and there were times when I really wanted to."

"But could you trust me?" Elizabeth said.

Lucky looked at her again in the darkness. "I think so," he said seriously.

"Even with all the times I betrayed you and after the relationship I've built on lies with Jake?" Elizabeth asked.

"Do you love me?" Lucky asked.

"Yes," Elizabeth said, without hesitation, because she was sure of it. "But I also love Jake, and…"

"I don't think you love him," Lucky said. "I think you want that shot at a life with Jason. But he chose Sam."

"You don't know if he would make that same choice now," Elizabeth said.

"Neither do you," Lucky said. "And you haven't told him because you're afraid he will. That isn't love."

Elizabeth switched gears. "You say you always loved me, but you would have spent your life with Siobhan…"

"I was in a different place then," Lucky said, "I did care about Siobhan, though. I could have been happy with her. But I think she always knew that I wasn't entirely hers."

"And you think Jake isn't entirely mine," Elizabeth said.

"I don't see how he could be," Lucky said. "There are pieces missing from him. I understand that; I had my own holes that I tried to fill with pills and booze. Those holes don't go away. They didn't for me, and they won't for him. Even if he never remembers, there will still be holes where those things should be."

Elizabeth shifted away from Jake again. "Do you still want to use?" she asked.

"Yes, sometimes," Lucky said.

"I hate that you have to fight that battle," Elizabeth said.

"It's part of me now," Lucky said, "but it doesn't control me anymore. It just is."

"Were you alone all this time?" Elizabeth asked.

"Do you really want to talk about that?" Lucky said.

"I just want to know that you had someone who cared about you," Elizabeth said.

Lucky turned on his side to face her. "Thank you," he said. "Let's just say there were some good times."

"Good," Elizabeth said. "I wouldn't want you to be miserable."

"Me either," Lucky said, and he smiled. "I'm not miserable right now."

Elizabeth laughed. "Me either," she said. She moved closer and kissed him, softly, and his response was easy and natural. She touched his cheek and his soft hair. "I do love you, Lucky," she said.

Lucky smiled. "I love you, too," he said. He kissed her more deeply. Then his lips were on her neck, trailing down, and she pulled his body against hers. He looked into her eyes, and she saw the pure rawness of his desire. "If you want me to go before…"

"Stay," Elizabeth said. "I want you to stay."


End file.
